Nisha Ramayya
“Indifference to External Objects”
from States of the Body Produced by Love
NO POLICE THE GLORIOUS TALES OF we are taught not to see the difference OF YOUR GREATNESS when did you first see the difference VILLAGE NO GIRL PROTEST SEETHING we are taught to be proud of the difference DEATH GIRL DANCING NO ONE STOP THE when did you first feel proud NO IMPENDING NO ATTEMPTED concerned only with ourselves we must love ourselves VICTIM HONOURED concerned only with comparisons we must prefer ourselves we must be preferable DEMONSTRATED DEED WAS DONE love must be mutual the comparisons are insatiable PENALTY NAMED COMMON DEATH NO we desire to be loved by everybody DEATH ARRIVED NO we do not see everybody we desire their love BURNT ALIVE OR DOWRY EVEN NOW I TOOK THE we must be seen by the world what must be seen FORM OF KALI we are proud when did you first feel proud RULED OUT HONOUR NATION HEINOUS we are ashamed when did you first feel proud CAN EQUALITY OF KIND we are seen by the world when did you first feel proud DEVOTED WIFE BECOMES A we remember powerlessness enslaved by our power FEAR IS ARE SCALE EQUAL SCARE WE our dirty habits our shamelessness our fatalism STEM THE ROT ALLOWING we are capable of love we love our families UNENDURABLE OF OUR SOCIETY we are capable of shame we are ashamed of our families NO IS POWER we are ashamed of our homes we are proud of our homes MURDER THE IDEAL we are brought up to welcome you into our homes BODY NOT YET SHADOW CHATTEL I am brought up to say yes to you ORAL NAKED BODY LEGAL SPIRIT OF THE GIRL I am brought up to be closed in my family I am brought up to be open at home FORCING FAILED TO SET ABLAZE my family is proud of me BOYS POTENTIAL TREATING ROWDIES GENDER YOGIC FLAMES my family is proud of me I would break my arms to defend my family IMMOLATED BODY IN THEM SUBSIDIES NO SHAME I am alone at home I arm myself to break my family CHARGES WHO SUSTAINED I undo my upbringing I am alone at home BETTER IF YOU DON’T I must shave my head to sustain my aloneness EVEN NAMES OF SEXUAL FIRE EXPRESSING GRIEF I lose my hair I am shameless at home SEXUAL DEATH WOULD DEATH OPPOSE how you love something and need nothing DEMON POWER PUNISH GODDESS how you love nothing and need something OUT CAME KALI FROM HER FOREHEAD how you love something and feel unhappy SAFETY BRUTAL BLAME POLICE COMES how you love nothing and feel unhappy NO AMEND OF HOME SUCH CASES EFFORTS WOULD OFFENCE how you need something and feel unhappy GOVERNMENT SHE TURNED UPON HER how you need nothing and feel unhappy FATHER YOU ARE VAIN AND WICKED how you begin with shame as if shame were the beginning NOW ASHAMED TO CALL MYSELF YOUR how you end with shame as if shame were the ending I WILL CAST MY WORTHLESS BODY how you withdraw from pride HONOUR VICTIM MARRY ONLY CONQUER ME IN how you withdraw from desire BATTLE HUMBLE AND MY PRIDE how you withdraw from gratitude AND THE SHAMEFUL DEEDS PRETENDED TO AFRAID ALAS SPARE how you withdraw from consent I AM HELPLESS yes what is it yes what do you want yes indeed yes is it so
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“Indifference to External Objects” was first published in print in The White Review, No. 20 (June 2017).